WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
