You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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