Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
