i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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