Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize