I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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