He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
