Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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