I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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