how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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