carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
