God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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