I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
