That's when you crack a 10am beer
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
