Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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