If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
