When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
