Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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