what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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