i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
