Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Life is so much better after having sex.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
