I showed him my bush... on skype.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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