and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
