So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
