Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's always time for handjobs
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
