So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
