I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
