i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
