i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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