And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
