I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
