take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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