Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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