That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he fucked my hip out of place.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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