Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
