Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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