It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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