Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I just sharted jello shots
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
