she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
