9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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