I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
