I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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