i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
