yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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