Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
