The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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