There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
