ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
