After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
