just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
