Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
