Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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