I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
