A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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