i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize