hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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