I saw his package. It spoke to me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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