he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
