girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
