great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
