I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
