we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
