I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
