is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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