i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am available for nakedness
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
