In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm really busy with my period
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