Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
