I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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