he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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