Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
