I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
