why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
