that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
