i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
