well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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