Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
