She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
